Akatsuki Heart to Heart
by PhoenixClaw
Summary: Ever wonder what being the unofficial leader of a band of nut jobs and misfits does on the psyche? Of course you have! Please enjoy this brief glimpse into the life and times of one of the newest pairings to grace the 'Naruto' universe. [PeinBlue Contest]


**_DISCLAIMER:_** Though it would probably be cool, I don't own Naruto...at all.

Yes, well...what to say.

I wrote this in one sitting before I went to bed, so please be kind... :)

Anyway, this is a contest entry for a competition where the general goal is to write a PeinxBlue fic. For further details, check out IceCrome's Profile (Author Search: IceCrome) for details about the contest. I figured it just wouldn't do if I were to promote said competition without submitting something myself, so here it is. :P

* * *

Hidden deep within the cavernous interior of an undisclosed location, a startled cry ripped through the night as a heavily-pierced individual shot bolt upright in bed. The blue-haired woman at his side awoke with a start, fussing over his shaken form and wiping back fiery locks drenched in cold sweat. 

"Pein, it's ok. I'm right here. Was it the dream again?"

A menagerie of piercings bobbed up and down in confirmation. Pein rested his head against the young woman's breast as he tried to gather all the terrible thoughts and images swimming through his mind.

"It...it was horrible. I was in this classroom, and everyone else was there too. Kakuzu kept stealing money from the Monopoly box, Deidara wouldn't stop having an orgy with himself, Hidan was having a swearing contest with some parrot and..."

The man gave a sudden shiver as his eyes began to fill up with tears.

"And...and then Orochimaru walked in. I guess he was the teacher since he had on a tweed jacket, but when he asked me a question, I...-sniff- I looked down and realized I was naked..."

A blue strand of hair fell onto his shoulder as the comforting presence beside him gradually began to run a hand along the side of his cheek.

"Go on...let it all out."

"The next thing I knew, there was...there was this huge tongue that was just everywhere and...and...- oh God!"

Pein immediately crumpled into his partner's embrace, weeping uncontrollably.

"Ssshhh...don't cry. It doesn't suit you."

A snort of laughter echoed throughout their private room.

"Why's that? Because I'm the 'Akatsuki leader'? Like that means anything anymore..."

He was consoled by a gentle pat on the head.

"No, dear. It's because you'll rust."

Unable to bring himself to care, he lashed out for the nearest item upon which he could focus his grief. Fortunately, just such an object existed right upon his nightstand table.

He hugged the conveniently located teddy bear close to his heart, pouring his soul into its stuffed likeness.

Ah, well, come to think of it, it wasn't so much 'stuffed' as 'assembled', being a puppet and all.

Hmm...and we should probably switch 'hugged' to 'grappled into submission'.

Ya know what? I'll just go ahead and say it was Sasori.

"Oh my God what the hell _let me go!_"

The Sand Village defector thrashed and hissed to no avail, having been throughly entangled within the confines of his leader's embrace. The fact that he was bundled in a straight jacket whilst being hog tied by his own chakra strings didn't really help the matter either. Pein buried his face into the puppet-nin's cloud-adorned cloak and blew his nose rather noisily.

"Its all this stress from the recent manga chapters! I just...I'm not sure I can handle the pressure from what Kishimoto is putting us through..."

He relaxed his grip on the figure in his arms, which in turn resulted in Sasori scrambling for the exit as fast as his little Pinocchio legs could carry him. Several metallic studs glistened beneath a ray of moonlight as their master stood up and pulled a severed hand from a dresser drawer. He began to suck on Hidan's thumb as the young woman rose to meet him midway.

"Itzh juff nah feh!"

"Pein, you know better than to talk with your mouth full."

The red-eyed figure sulked a little before complying. His macabre pacifier found its way to the ground and instantly scurried out the door, somehow managing to flip them both off in the process.

"It's just not fair..."

"What's not?"

He slammed a fist into the wall beside him.

"Everything! I find out I'm not the real leader, my men are slaughtered by emotionally-unstable children on a regular basis and on top of that, _I don't even know what to think about any of it!_"

A delicate white flower found itself readjusted atop navy blue hair as its owner laid a hand atop her partner's chest.

"Thats ok, we all get overwhelmed sometimes."

She was met with a sigh and a weak sneer.

"No, I mean I don't have enough character development to know how I should react..."

That was met with a blank look.

"...Oh."

Unwilling to give up, the blue-haired woman rested a delicate finger upon her ruby lips as she contemplated the situation.

"Well, look on the bright side. At least you have a name. I've been going by a primary color for months on end. Besides, not having any character development can be a good thing if you let it be."

Pein raised an eyebrow.

"How do you figure that?"

He was answered by a sudden intoxicating kiss, catching him off guard and, for an instant, stripping away all his cares and worries. The young woman pulled back slowly, mindful to keep her eyes locked onto those of her partner's.

"Because...we can do things like this all we want and not have to worry about breaking canon rules..."

The man before her had just managed to regain his breath as he took on a look of child-like wonder.

"R-Really?"

His tentative question was cast aside by another deep kiss, forcing him back and down onto the soft bedding behind them. Just as he was beginning to 'come to terms' with such a liberating approach to life, Itachi wandered through their chamber door whistling a merry tune. While that was strange enough in its own right, both shinobi couldn't help but notice the fact he was using a cane to feel his way across the floor.

Heck, the black-stained glasses looked a little odd too.

Before either figure could utter a word, the red-eyed Uchiha tapped his way over to a large vase in the corner. Satisfied with its bowl-like nature, Itachi promptly undid his zipper, took care of business, and left the same way he came in.

A deathly silence hovered lazily above the two S-ranked criminals.

Pein cast a serious glance at the young woman straddled beneath him.

"Ya know, we should really start locking that door at night."

He was answered by a non-committal shrug as she once again pulled him down on top of her.

"...Yeah, but at least he didn't mistake the oven for a dog kennel this time."

* * *

-Cricket's chirping- 

Its ok, I'm not sure where this one came from either. :P But hell, who doesn't love a blind Itachi? XD

Hope you enjoyed it! (Grins)


End file.
